Am I really a loner who likes t seek attention, that’s a contradicting split personality. Nono, it’s unhealthy, things should’t be the way it is right now, something needs t be changed!

After my backpacking trip from Laos and Thailand, my changes can be felt by those who are close to me, and according to them, they are not good ones. Things that I’ve said are not all that happened. Not everything that I’ve experienced can be put down and expressed in words. What I have said can never represent the whole experience and realizations I’ve had. How do you explain that you feel touched by the scenery, the breeze you felt that brings to a sense of serenity when you were in a local bus, the heart beat you felt when you thought you would never make it alive climbing up the mountain. How do you describe feelings that are beyond being happy, sad and angry? I can never find a person who can understand how I really feel, someone t share what i have went through. I’m just upset that I have become someone important in someone else’s heart and feeling that I don’t deserve so much. I want to matter, but somehow, I think it is too much for me to handle. And after so many years, she still doesn’t know me much after all, the person who camouflaged herself well under layers of disguise.They will only continue having expectations and letdowns, ups and downs ups and downs.

I still not quite understand how this whole relationship with people works. Com’on people judge and they will tell you through their behaviors.

“The more I see, the less I know” – I really don’t want to lose myself yet it seems that the more I search,  the further I stray. I would not stop until I find it – but sometimes, you need to stop to gather whatever you have lost before moving on.

my mood feels exactly like this right now .. dark clouds roam above my heart, drizzling occasionally .. im asking myself, why am i always feeling so loney yet i dont want anyone to be around me. it’s such a contradicting feeling that i always get. why cant the real world be like dreams, just feeling so happy and free to do whatever you like. no one will question u, no one will give u weird looks.

im just feeling upset my bf cant spend more time with me, it is as good as illegal if we spend more than 2 days consecutively together. now  im kinda an expert in “distanced” relationship..

Maybe, just maybe, that I am better left alone. It is tiring to act like everything is fine, to force a smile on my face, just to keep them from asking ‘are u ok?’. No I am not, so? what ya gona do abt it, so it’s better if you not know.

Today’s weather is soooo good. I just wana do something! like cycling or swimming, but there is no one to do it with.  So I slept my ass off the whole afternoon. I’m great at wasting opportunity.

Lazy me, procrastinating me, really hope I can get my work started tmr.

I’m adopting a vegetarian diet right now, hope it will improve my overall health condition.

闷闷闷死我了。。

Afterall, im not as important as you claimed im to you, if not, you wouldnt have easily said those words, words which are meant to hurt.

To have a healthy body is so impt, w/o one, you cant enjoy all the good things in the world. In my life, friends come and go. Good ones stay and forever giving you support and go to a large extent to make you happy. So few, so little .. none.. all along ive been getting heartbreaks and ive started to have a more positive mindset. just close one eye, feel less, think less and be numbed. dont carry too much hope and be happy with my current situation. every action counts and i see it clearly cos i pay attention to details. details are usually things that determine what kind of person you are, for me to decide what kind of attitude i should use.

thnks girl for showering me with all the attentions, though very noisy but im really really glad to have a friend like you. you’re always there and available for me.

after a day, i felt better and hold no grudges on you BOBO. rmb, i might forgive but i’ll nvr forget. afterall i recognise the fact tht critism is good, i might one day, one fine day become a better person. arhh.. but u know the feeling is not tht great afterall and im affected.

i was ironing my uniform just now and i suddenly had the thought tht hey, im glad tht i do the ironing chore by myself, occasionally helping my mum to do it too. i guess simple thing like this makes me a more appreciative person. it just takes one time in many years for my mum to iron clothes for me and it will really touch me deep down. tht would be more than enough to make me happy.  

babes, i miss u all .. i wana see you guys.. talk to you guys.. i need LOVEeeee from you guys !!!

=.=…………

why bobo doesnt allow me to draw cartoon.. >.< i want to draw too..